I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
