White coat. Heels.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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