I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
