i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
