Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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