I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
