YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
