Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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