Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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