I CAN MOONWALK!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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