we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
