Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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