Will you blow on my dice?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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