He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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