Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
