Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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