So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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