We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
