that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
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Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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