I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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