i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
