Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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