The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
