You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize