am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
