My balls are so social today.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
