can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
