Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
