I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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