Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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