In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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