Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
