Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
