I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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