This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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