Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
