so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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