I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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