Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
