your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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