AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
