I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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