i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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