You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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