Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
