I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
