just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
