So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
3 2 1 whiskey
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
