What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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