Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
