Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
