"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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