So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
