yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
