Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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