He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize