his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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