Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
