Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
