I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
